She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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