Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Pants are for mortals
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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