Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
