I hope mine doesn't look like that
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
