Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
