I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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