These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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