You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
