after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
