Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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