So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
