My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
So much Jack, so little girl.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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