I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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