If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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