So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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