There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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