This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i already hear my dad disowning me
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
its liver damage thursday
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
