He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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