I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
