she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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