You're so nebulous sometimes
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I smell like Dick and happiness
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
