And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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