This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
