Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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