i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
