Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..