Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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