I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
i need some magic done to my vagina
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
