There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
