umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
