my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
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Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
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whose parrot is this?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?