It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.