Texts From Last Night

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  (909): View more from California

  good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant

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  (909): good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant http://tfl.nu/4y6m
  Replies (10) Good night (567) Bad night (2546)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.

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  (978): I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b. http://tfl.nu/o2b7
  Replies (33) Good night (2420) Bad night (1463)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.

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  (708): I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event. http://tfl.nu/286m
  Replies (6) Good night (3587) Bad night (514)
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  (209): View more from California

  I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.

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  (209): I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart. http://tfl.nu/dd9c
  Replies (21) Good night (6943) Bad night (888)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive

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  (413): he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive http://tfl.nu/jlaw
  Replies (13) Good night (1924) Bad night (3758)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.

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  (484): I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere. http://tfl.nu/zvpn
  Replies (20) Good night (5265) Bad night (1001)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?

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  (250): Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night? http://tfl.nu/nxqa
  Replies (7) Good night (3424) Bad night (873)
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.

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  (321): I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter. http://tfl.nu/jrqc
  Replies (6) Good night (5384) Bad night (916)
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  (352): View more from Florida

  I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.

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  (352): I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas. http://tfl.nu/mxts
  Replies (16) Good night (2579) Bad night (956)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July

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  (609): Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July http://tfl.nu/khgw
  Replies (1) Good night (874) Bad night (486)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket

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  (859): Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket http://tfl.nu/ka4g
  Replies (5) Good night (505) Bad night (1307)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.

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  (407): Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does. http://tfl.nu/r28t
  Replies (3) Good night (1681) Bad night (451)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden

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  (201): we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden http://tfl.nu/jtve
  Replies (4) Good night (908) Bad night (433)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.

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  (816): God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency. http://tfl.nu/hky6
  Replies (0) Good night (673) Bad night (285)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear

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  (407): Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear http://tfl.nu/b5s7
  Replies (3) Good night (1100) Bad night (318)

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