so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Welp...herpes.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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