Texts From Last Night

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  (980): View more from North Carolina

  after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape

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  (980): after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape http://tfl.nu/d3c4
  Replies (8) Good night (3717) Bad night (872)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"

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  (612): I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?" http://tfl.nu/juih
  Replies (11) Good night (5918) Bad night (1549)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...

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  (248): I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high... http://tfl.nu/j3oh
  Replies (55) Good night (5844) Bad night (1490)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.

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  (647): Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral. http://tfl.nu/3rm8
  Replies (5) Good night (1349) Bad night (4003)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding

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  (603): When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding http://tfl.nu/lhu6
  Replies (7) Good night (1689) Bad night (2574)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.

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  (817): Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer. http://tfl.nu/3l5u
  Replies (6) Good night (3096) Bad night (767)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.

  (-1816): View more from

  Probably is probably an understatement.

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  (816): It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister. (-1816): Probably is probably an understatement. http://tfl.nu/hxbu
  Replies (9) Good night (2517) Bad night (907)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell

  (1-704): View more from North Carolina

  Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those

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  (704): Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell (1-704): Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those http://tfl.nu/iyze
  Replies (4) Good night (1744) Bad night (943)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.

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  (901): Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn. http://tfl.nu/sdqi
  Replies (6) Good night (614) Bad night (1985)
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  (682): View more from Texas

  Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"

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  (682): Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this" http://tfl.nu/tpaw
  Replies (1) Good night (1439) Bad night (530)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.

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  (202): You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself. http://tfl.nu/1zzq
  Replies (11) Good night (632) Bad night (1759)
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  (228): View more from Mississippi

  I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."

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  (228): I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult." http://tfl.nu/mdv1
  Replies (4) Good night (1068) Bad night (571)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.

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  (201): I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever. http://tfl.nu/v0jl
  Replies (1) Good night (735) Bad night (354)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?

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  (727): How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part? http://tfl.nu/hg2r
  Replies (1) Good night (1151) Bad night (318)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  Uh do you have my pants because I have yours

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  (317): Uh do you have my pants because I have yours http://tfl.nu/hs56
  Replies (1) Good night (212) Bad night (63)

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