And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.