Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.