Texts From Last Night

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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  dude. stop pregaming the food network.

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  (215): im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL (609): dude. stop pregaming the food network. http://tfl.nu/x76m
  Replies (6) Good night (2286) Bad night (662)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.

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  (860): i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life. http://tfl.nu/14qy
  Replies (49) Good night (707) Bad night (6604)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.

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  (402): giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds. http://tfl.nu/384y
  Replies (57) Good night (4255) Bad night (979)
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  i fucked her mom dude

  (1-408): View more from California

  there's something to tell the kids

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  (408): i fucked her mom dude (1-408): there's something to tell the kids http://tfl.nu/gneu
  Replies (34) Good night (5358) Bad night (1730)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on

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  (610): you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on http://tfl.nu/unra
  Replies (20) Good night (6333) Bad night (1167)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.

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  (717): yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup. http://tfl.nu/otef
  Replies (13) Good night (4366) Bad night (1454)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"

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  (304): What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?" http://tfl.nu/r7md
  Replies (12) Good night (3548) Bad night (1452)
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.

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  (602): I am NOT getting arrested in a wig. http://tfl.nu/5nul
  Replies (15) Good night (2636) Bad night (1037)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.

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  (614): You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city. http://tfl.nu/ce0d
  Replies (4) Good night (1631) Bad night (690)
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.

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  (530): The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved. http://tfl.nu/1q3u
  Replies (3) Good night (1968) Bad night (782)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think

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  (615): fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think http://tfl.nu/g5tp
  Replies (15) Good night (1697) Bad night (788)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?

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  (770): A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay? http://tfl.nu/s9ck
  Replies (8) Good night (550) Bad night (1530)
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?

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  (205): You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street? http://tfl.nu/z15o
  Replies (2) Good night (999) Bad night (329)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.

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  (616): I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like. http://tfl.nu/l89u
  Replies (8) Good night (685) Bad night (480)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.

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  (360): I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar. http://tfl.nu/n37f
  Replies (0) Good night (370) Bad night (265)

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