counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
