I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Randomize
