I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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