i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
i think im in europe. pls send help
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
