today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize