I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
