he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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