took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
