Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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