No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
