theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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