Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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