Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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