Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
