wakey wakey hands off snakey
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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