The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
