bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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