I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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