what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
