So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
He kissed a someone with a penis
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
We have so much sex to catch up on
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
