my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
