plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
