I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
