Already got asked if we're dating
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
