I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
