I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
