I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
