listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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