i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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