whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
