it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
