I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
