No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize