his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Randomize
