Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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