You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
