absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
