At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
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