Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
