Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
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i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize