I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
