i will never coherently bang her
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
