Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
