my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
