I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize
