Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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