i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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