You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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