Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
