You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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