apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize