apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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