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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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