Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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