i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
