Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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