Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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